My New Dream

When I was young
I dreamt to fly
Away, in the clear blue sky
Against the wind, through the clouds
To the Atlantic and back again
Oh, what a way to be free!
Now I'm older
But I still dream
Just a bit differently
You see, I've flown only to fall
Underneath a blackened me
Black with anger, black with guilt
Black with sadness that cripples me
Oh, I miss how to be me
To go back where I was free
Everything as it's supposed to be
Sadness yes but joy too
Guilt forgiven, anger drained
This is my new dream

I wrote this about a year ago. I thought I 'd share.

Strength to stand alone

               She stood alone in a gray haze. She felt a breeze but it was not the normal sound of wind she heard, instead voices filled the air, twisting and weaving around her. Some are echoes of her own thoughts, some the ideals of others pushing against her. Echoes of fear, doubt, hope and warning pounding into her as if hailing from the sky.  She missed the silence, the calm he awakened in her. She was struggling to remember why freedom seemed so important. No, it wasn't the freedom that was important but the truths he kept from her. He destroyed everything she thought she knew about him, all that she understood about their relationship. She couldn't understand how it could come to this. What did she do to make him lie? Had she driven him away somehow? How could she learn to trust him again? The woman so important to lie about and for was still around. She could not and would not ask or let him ruin a friendship built over ten years with this woman. Instead she let go of his hand, walked away from the calm which hadn't been so calm as of late, into the storm she now faced. She got a lot of support and encouragement from those who loved her. She’d smile and nod but could not begin to explain how she felt. Something they said was so great only left a bitter taste. 

If my life was a show.....

I was going through my daily life routine when I had an interesting thought. I realized some of the shows I watch I am invested in emotional. I feel for the characters as if I actually knew them. I cry for the bad things they experience and rejoice when things work out for them. These shows I invest my feeling into mean much more to me than the ones I watch purely for intrigue or entertainment. You don’t always see the nitty gritty day to day details, but you know there must be some routine. I am pondering what my life as a show would be. What kind of audience would I attract? Am a loveable character, one people would invest in or would it be purely entertaining to see what messes I get into? Would people see a different side than me to the people I spend time with? Who would the route for in the end? I guess I am considering this because I am constantly seeking input in the decisions I make. I have made so many myself that haven’t turned out quite right. A lesson is always learned but I have begun to doubt my ability to see what is best for me. Any thoughts?