We haven't gotten in a fight since I've been back. I can't figure out if yesterday was a fight or not. I don't know if you could tell how angry and upset I was at myself. I don't believe I will get behind the wheel of a car and drive like that agian. It was reckless and stupid and could have cost us both a lot more than it has. You were so angry and I didn't want to say the wrong thing so I didn't say anything. The faster I got out of that car the sooner I could break down. I don't know what to say today. I am upset and angry and full of confusion. You said you were tired yet you didn't go home. You say you forgive me yet you blew me off. I am trying not to read into it, to take it personal but I can't. I feel like crap and I don't know how to fix it.

Sorry for the trouble

I recently found out that this blog as been a source of gossip for some back in California. I would like to note that I haven't written this for anything other than a place to put my thoughts. And you know, thoughts change everyday. I work out what is going on in my head the moment I write my blog and forget about it a work on another angle or aspect or something completely different. I would appreciate you keeping your opinions to yourself or better yet stop reading my blog. I have no way of stopping you but if it is going to continue to cause you trouble you might as well quit. Do us both a favor and get over yourself and what I have to say, starting now.

Rantings of my past meeting my present

There is a lot of things I don't always understand. I find myself looking back at some of my decisions now that I'm 10 days away from turning 21. Looking back at how my life played out so far. Everything in my life has happened with reason but I can't be sure I understand it all. The day after I get my phone back my ex texts me photos of his brothers. I have some thoughts on how that came about but he's too stubborn to answer my questions. And I can't be sure they way I think it went down really happened. Do you believe in coincidence? I'm not sure I do. I think he might have texted me while my phone was fried and I just got them that morning but on the other hand I'm not sure that could actually happen. He even knew about the time I got them.Why send me pics of his brothers? As cute as they are I don't understand it. We are two completely different people now, both unwilling to budge. As he reads this I'm sure he's smug and content with himself thinking me talking about him means I still have feelings for him, or at least am thinking of him. He likes to get under my skin and gets enjoyment out of doing it. This is the only reason I am sure he contacted me. He is stubborn and strongwilled and has walled himself up, not letting anyone close even as a friend. It saddens me and makes my heart ache but only briefly. Well this is my rant for now.