I know why I am holding onto Clay so dearly. The emotions I feel when we are together are ten fold of the emotions I have already experienced. I don't want to go through life never feeling this alive again. I do not recall feeling this passionate about anything before this. So while I am driving myself to let go I am beginning to see why I hold on so dearly. Maybe knowing this will make it easier to let go. I am not really sure but I do know that life will forever be different because of him. and a part of me will always have a love for him. But I can't wait anymore, I won't. If he doesn't want to fight for it why should I?