Follow Your Heart, But how?

It's been a month and a half since I've been around. A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. I have been down a clouded path still unsure of the destination. After Clay blew up at me over talking to his dad I shrugged it off as best as I could. I started smoking almost everyday so I didn't think about him or worry about him. After confirming his relationship with his father was unharmed I cut off contact from him at his request and my personal best interest. I won't say I haven't had fun becuase I have but I am worried. You can only stand at the doorway for so long before you either go in or turn and leave. I started talking to some old friends from my previous stoner days. And I don't want to lose them now that I am turning my back on the one thing that has kept me happy, stable, sane. I know that sounds ridiculous but fighting the demons at the door was easier than I expected it to be and I didn't worry as much as usual. And I never over thought anything. Well that was a fun adventure but Clay is back. Wanting to start something new and I'm not sure I believe him. I found out he lied to me our entire relationship about something real important. How do I know he hasn't lied about anything else? How do I know he isn't lying now? I don't I can only have faith, which I have very little of. Trying to be two people is hard. I am not who I was and neither is he but how do relearn eachother? This is the challenge I face now. Which path to follow is the easy question. How to follow it is harder. The hardest yet is how much do I give up to follow the path to such an unclear destination.