Two Loves

Over the years you develop this idea of love; what it is and what it means. You'll find that many people you thought you loved was only an infatuation or lust that you belived to be love in the heat of the moment. While I too have found this to be true I know when I said it I was as sincere as I knew how to be. I am twenty years old and have loved openly and honestly twice in my life. There was nothing like these two loves. There was an innocence and honesty in them that you don't often find. The first time I fell in love it was the summer before I turned thirteen. Everyone I knew-my friends included-said it wasn't real, that I was too young and couldn't love someone I'd never met. I loved Sean for almost three years. While I realize now it would never have worked out, being young and living so far from eachother, I know what I felt for him was real. To this day we remain friends although we aren't as close as we were then. He knows me better than most of the friends I was hanging out with all the time. He's trying to teach me to be confindent and not care what others think. To love myself for who I am. That I can't fix everyone's problems. Lessons I am slowly grasping. Clay was my most passionate realizationship thus far. For that very reason I believe it would have never worked out. I believe people should be completely honest with their partners no matter what and I am. That can be hard to handle becuase I don't always dole out the honesty nicely. I also won't be controlled or told and niether will he. We were two stubborn hard headed people trying to find a balance. Neither of us wanted to give. He is a good friend now but I still don't trust him fully. The breakup was rough and drawn out. We were in it for different reasons and when we weren't the understanding and commitment wasn't there. He has found someone who is far better for him than I ever was. I believe they will be happy for a long time, if not for life.