Clay, I love you but...

I'm sorry I couldn't stop loving you. That you were quite possible the best thing to happen to me in adolescence. I'm sorry I have an inability to let go and forget the past. I wish it could be different, that everytime I talked to you I didn't fall in love all over again. I'm sorry we can't just be fuck buddies, as great as sex was. Maybe if I could forget I could be that great friend you always want around. You say you're not mad, that you're just tired of my drama. Yet you are doing the very things I asked you not to. I might not be there to see it but I can feel it, even from 3000 miles away. I know you're hurt too. You are my best friend, the closest person to me right now-besides my brother and my dad. But you know me these days better than they do. I can't go back and change what happened, I'm done trying. I messed up and I lost you. It's time to face that music but it's so hard letting you go. You are my comfort zone, it doesn't matter what is going on in my life just talking to you makes it all seem minuscle. But the hope, it gets inflated and crushes a little more each time. I love you with all my heart but I need to try to love myself again too. Please let me have my heart back if you won't commit to it anymore.