Life changes before your eyes if you're looking for it. Sometimes it changes when you blink. All these changes could mean nothing, some are small having no effect on you. There are others that change everything the way you see or think about a person or event. I've taken a look back at some things recently. While I can't really regret anything because I wouldn't have been brought closer to the Lord by it I don't always like the chnages. I fell in love a bit over a year ago, I got engaged and we broke up. How much love do you have to have for someone to want to spend the rest of your life with them? Enough love where part of me is still in California with him. I would be lying to say seeing and hearing about his new girlfriend didn't hurt. That now that they're broken up a small part of me wishes we could be together even with all this distance. That we would come to realize he wants to do things right. Knowing part of my heart is still in California makes me wonder if I should cut our line of communication off completely. Would I lose my best friend? Would he come looking for me? Would he even miss me talking to him? Honestly I don't have an answer to these questions but I do know that my heart one day will belong completely to my husband even if that means not talking to Clay anymore.
I thought we shared something unique and special . That it would never have a comparison but it seems to me that he has that with his most recent ex too. It dimmed our closeness. It made it easier for him not to talk to me. Maybe that feeling isn't something special, maybe there was nothing unique about us. Then wouldn't our brief engagement have been a lie? I don't know what to think about it anymore.
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