Choosing

Many things in my life have happened that I would never have expected. Falling in love isn't one of them although the person is a bit of a surprise sometimes. It has been a bumpy road to reach an understanding between us. We love each other undoubtedly but that doesn't make it any easier. I want nothing more than to believe what he tells me but it's unbelievably hard. Love for me was always black and white I never saw a gray area. It either was you were or you weren't in love. I got thrown into a gray area today. I want to believe him and God knows I believe in him it's harder to trust that he speaks truth. His dad says he'll stop talking to him if he finds out we are in a relationship again. How am I supposed to deal with that? I can't make him choose, I'd never do that. It's his dad and I wouldn't want to be the reason they don't talk. The grayest of areas that I've seen. He says he loves me and he doesn't want to lose me but he doesn't want to lose his dad either. There is never a dull moment with this boy, I swear. I want nothing more than to be with him but I don't know how to handle this. It hurts too much when he goes away, I'm so afraid he won't come back like before. Or that we'll fight again. I don't think I'd handle another good bye. I feel like I've already walked through fire and ice simultaneously for him. And I know I'd do it all again. I have never felt so truly sure of where my heart is. Man I sure fucked it all up. Life is quite complicated. So how do you make someone you love choose? Answer is you don't, you wait.