Wish This Was Reality

You know those dreams you have where you just wait to curl up in bed and dream the rest of your life? I just had one of those, where reality is so much worse than the dream.

My dream started with Clayton calling me at like 7 30 am to talk. Well at some point it became a conversation in person. Well he got in his car and started to drive away so I chased him down in mine. In a blink of an eye I wasn't driving behind him but in the backseat of his mom's car. I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed. He started to cough a little and immediately I loosened my grip saying sorry over and over on the verge of tears. That I didn't mean to choke him I just wanted to hold him forever. He said get in the trunk my mom is home. So I climbed into this oval bin and scrunched down as much as I could. All of a sudden there was this tire in the road and he swerved around it. I had gripped the edges of the bin as he swerve. He looked at me the said, "Why were you scared?" I looked at him confused, "I wasn't, in was just in case." Then he started talking about how he would have to sneak me in and what how he would leave. He was talking really fast that I don't remember exactly what was said. As we were pulling onto the freeway we saw this hitch hiker and picked him up. His mom's car turned into his truck at this point. He was driving really slow onto the free way and i was getting scared cause picking up hitch-hikers is illegal. So he got off on the first off ramp pulled over and we all got to to walk. I was wearing nothing but panties at this point and I'm not sure why. Well we walk onto this beach-like area that turns out to be the middle of the apartment complex Val and Steven lived. Jake and Steven are having a water fight as I storm past my arms folded over my chest not pleased about the fact that I'm naked practically. Clay runs to catch up offering me a shirt. Behind me I hear Jake mention that I'm not really wearing anything as I pull on my shirt. Clay wraps his arm around me to block me from their view. We go into Val's apartment and upstairs because Clay had a few things of his there. Val who was supposed to be gone for awhile comes home early. So she comes up and I try to hide in the closet but end up knocking over her clean clothes so I picked them up again. I know when she is staring at me and look up. "Hi" I said meekly. She's like what are you doing here? I looked at Clay who started to answer about how we're gunna give it another try. At this point I'm standing beside them and she looked at me and was like don't take this personal but- looking back at Clay. I started to say How could you I'm a bitch and mean and some other things Val I'm sure thinks of me. They both turned to look at me gap-mouthed. I just shrugged and said I want to change. That's when I woke up, or so I thought. I got up remembered it was just a dream which hurt. I curled up into myself wanting to disappear but Lily showed up and we went for a walk so I could tell her about my dream. That part wasn't in it it sorta faded to us coming back. A couple of cops drove past and Tammy had said that someone had broken into cars in the area. Well my little sister's purse was in my car from when I had taken her to Starbucks but there was no money in it anymore. Tammy started to say that it was my fault because I didn't make sure she brought her purse inside with her. I just turned and started walking away think I don't need to be dealing with you right now kind of thing. When we got back to the house which wasn't like my house at all we went to the bathroom then climbed up a ladder to my room which was bigger than the one I'm in right now. When we got back I finished about my dream and then started talking about how I wished it wasn't a dream more than anything but I didn't know what I would do because of the lie he told. Well Brooke and Sarah came in to make me stop mopping and have some fun. Well while they are trying to lighten my mood by brother was there but no one else could see him. And he was conversing with an animal or something that was with Clay. At some point the drove up right next to my window taunting me. It was two trucks this curly bouncy blond hair girl drove one with a friend of hers I assume and Clay drove the other one. I never looked for Clay I just knew. I couldn't pull away from the girl but as she sped after Clay I wished that I had looked at him. My heart was breaking a little more watching her chase him down. That must be his new girlfriend I thought. He called but Brooke answered. I don't remember what she said but it was something about how he had a new girl now and didn't need me and the sex was so much better than it was with me. After he hung up I grabbed the phone and called back. I thought he had answered so I starting going off on how happy I was for him but if he could leave me the fuck alone or something. I never did finish what I was saying cause I heard him laugh in the background as Val started talking. Telling me that he found out I was planning on breaking up with him and decided not this time. She was mumbling so I had to ask twice before I heard it all. I knew then that it was her who had said something. I let the tears stream as I asked how she could and that i only do something that I'm a hundred percent positive about and when I talked to her I wasn't. She started to say I'm sorry and then Clay showed up at the front door.

That's when I woke up for real. It was a dream that I wanting to keep having. This has been a first for me. But reality continues to suck and dreams are the desperate wishes we never speak.